National Fresh Breath Day

Stank Mouth, Morning Breath, Halitosis.  These are all names for what is essentially the result of bacteria eating the little food particles stuck between your teeth and then after digesting the food, expelling the waste product.  And this is happening in your mouth while you read this sentence.  OK, I'll give you a second to go brush your teeth right now...

You're back?  Good.

National Fresh Breath Day is the brainchild of a group of dentists in New York.  Now among all health-care professionals, dentists are about the most self-serving crowd there is.  They recommend that you come and visit them every 6 months whether you feel like you need it or not.  And they want you to come from the age of 2 until you die.  What other "doctors" do this?  You may get an occasional check-up with your family physician to make sure that all systems are functional, but not twice a year without cause.  Dentists are like the cell-phone plan that you're locked into for life.  And just like your cellular service provider, they want to sell you every upcharge that they possibly can.  So you know that come Halloween, dentists are handing out Sugar Daddies and Charleston Chews hoping to poke holes in your chompers so they can fill them with the most expensive materials in the world and make a nice tidy profit while they are at it. 
OK, this is mostly tongue-in-cheek (har).  I know a few dentists personally and they are very nice people who encourage you to brush regularly and floss every day (not just the week of your dentist appointment).  Also, bad breath is not a condition that should be taken lightly.  A good job interview can be nullified, a romantic moment can be extinguished, an elevator ride can be made excruciating by a lack of oral hygiene.  Unless you have a trusted and honest spouse or friend, though, it can be difficult to know exactly what the state of your breath odor is.  I have tried to breathe into my cupped hand and then sniff really fast, but my lung-nose coordination is not spectacular.  I have heard that you can lick the back of your wrist and it will smell like your breath, but all I ever smell is wet arm hair.  Apparently, it is possible to purchase a "Halimeter," to give you "hard, empirical science" for your bad breath inquiries, but that seems like money that could be much better spent.  Especially considering that cautious prevention is so easy.  Aside from normal brushing, rinsing, and flossing, there are enough breath-freshening products on the market to choke a pig.  In the case of bad breath, I would say that discretion is the better part of valor.

For my family's celebration of NFB Day, we decided to focus on the member of our family who has the worst breath, our dog Dynamite.  I don't know exactly what he puts in his mouth that makes his breath smell so bad, but when we are transporting him in the van, I can always tell when he sneaks up to the middle seats without ever looking in the rear-view mirror.  So I bought him a doggy toothbrush, doggy toothpaste and doggy mouthwash.  What I failed to notice was that he has no opposable thumbs with which to squeeze the toothpaste or grasp the toothbrush.  So brushing Dynamite's teeth fell to me.  As you might be able to tell from the pictures, he is not exactly on board with celebrating this holiday.

In any case, it got done to some effect.  We gave him a chew-bone that is also supposed to improve his breath.  We'll see.